Feeling the Pressure

Since graduation I have been living in my parent’s house. This is not odd in and of itself, of course, because a lot of post-graduates move back into their parent’s house.

So here I am, in my parent’s house, working in D.C., and waiting for the PC to send me off to a country to serve. I have to say I am really starting to feel the pressure. The sort of weird pressure that is not totally suffocating but nags in the back of my mind, telling me that I’ve been out of school since May and I need to get my life together.

It did not come all at once, but slowly. Like every time someone ask me what I’m doing with myself and I feel like the answer I have to give isn’t a good one.

“I’m working an internship and waiting to be fully accepted into the Peace Corps.”

For some reason that line does not feel fulfilling because it sounds to me like I’m just on stand-by, waiting for my life to start. Being in school felt like I was accomplishing something, waiting does not have the same feel.

Even when people are seemingly “impressed” by my PC desires they are still quick to ask why I would run off to such a dangerous area of the world (West Africa in general, Burkina Faso to be specific).

“There’s Ebola! There’s terrorism! There’s civil unrest!”

None of that concerns me.

What concerns me is feeling like a bum who hasn’t accomplished anything in months. At some point I need to feel like I am moving toward adulthood. 22-years old and financially dependent is not adulthood (according to every news outlet that talks about how lazy Millennials are)

I can’t divulge that to people, of course. So I give them the shtick (the very true in its own right shtick)  about how I want to do some good in the world and that I have wanted to do that good through the PC since I was a freshman in college.

Once again this shtick is 100% true. So is the need for 2-5 years’ (minimum) experience to apply for an entry level job at the UN (or anywhere else really), the approaching need for my own health insurance, and my parents dwindling patience.

And really, West Africa is not the only dangerous place in the world. The world is full of wolves.

I’d rather get started moving amongst them and finding my place in the world than be sitting in my parent’s house.

I’ll know in January if I’ve finally been given a place as a PCV. If I don’t get in, I’ll have to figure something else out…who knows how long that will take. How do I “look for alternatives,” when I don’t have the 2-5 years’ experience to apply for an entry level job?

This is what has bumbling around in my brain, and I cannot stand it.

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